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DJ RedJeans's Blog
| To John Woo, Thanks for Everything - Chow Yun Fat |
NOTE: To start this off I would like to say that I had the whole thing written....however when switching computers at work my co-worker re-started the PC I was writing on as it was saving and thus it all got FUCKED. If this review is lacking in detail and funny I apologize but it's really hard for me to re-do something from mere memory.
So today we're here to talk about John Woo's Stranglehold for XBOX 360. Now you must notice a slight trend or ask yourself "Ashton, but didn't this game come out like 6 months ago?" Well possibly but right now I am limited to review only what Blockbuster has in stock. So fucking sue me. I should note that I will be switching my rental method to Gamefly as soon as I am moved into the new condo. This should prove us with more or newer game reviews.
Anyway, lets move on as we usually do at the beginning of these silly things, and start talking a little bit about the people who brought this lovely gem to you. Stranglehold (or John Woo Presents Stranglehold) is a third-person shooter developed by Midway. Now Midway is a company that has been established since 1988 and has made games for everything from the NES to the XBOX 360. They have created a few significant franchises and games such as Ms.Pac-Man, Spy-Hunter, Mortal Kombat, the popular Rampage series, and oh...I dunno...another big one...maybe you heard of it...Disney made a movie about it...FUCKING TRON. Oh yes Tron.
Ahem...back to the point at hand here. I'm talking about John Woo's Stranglehold, which is supposed to be the sequel to director John Woo's 1992 film, Hard Boiled, and stars Chow Yun Fat in a reprisal of his role as Inspector "Tequila" Yuen. Stranglehold is the first project on which Woo and Chow have collaborated since Hard Boiled. I'm sure you really cared about all that...I know I did...Wow I wish text could only measure the amount of sarcasm in my voice right now.
So to start this game off you get invited into the tricky little web that it weaves by a nice little cinematic cut scene where you find out that a cop has just been kidnapped and Detective Tequila takes off in a rush to find him, without the consent of the Captain or the Skipper....or what the fuck ever they call the head of police in Hong Kong. Straight from the cut scene to the dirty streets of downtown Hong Kong that is filled with neon signs, rolling dinner carts, and thugs with guns. Sounds pretty exciting right? Well, yeh kinda. I fell in love with this game in the first level as I was about to slide over tables, run down hand rails, go slow-mo in crazy gun fights with like 30 dudes, and survive all of it just to kick another ass at the end of the day.
All of this seemed cool as I walked through the grimy underground of Hong Kong to uncover more about this missing cop. I knew that through the game there would be 4 unlocked special moves dubbed as "Tequila Bombs" and the ability to use these powers works on a meter that you can build up more power in by doing "stylish kills" kind of like Devil May Cry. For example if you just shoot a guy in the head, that's one star. However if you hop on a dining cart while in "Tequila Time" or slow-mo shoot 5 guys, hop of the cart in a roll shooting another guy, and then bounce off a wall while in slow-mo and kill 3 more guys all within a 5 second span from each other you will most likely receive around 20 to 23 stars. The most stars I managed to accumulate was like 30 or something. I really gave up trying to "impress" the game after the third level.
But speaking of these "Tequila Bombs" you are equipped with as you unlock them through the game they have some pretty neat little effects. The one that you start with will help you replenish your health (which trust me is needed most of the time) . The second of these is one that you develop within the first level called the Precision Shot, which allows you to zoom in and take a shot at the head or body of your opponent (i.e. – snipers) which if hit will cause a "physics applies" reaction. Lies. It's the same fucking 3 animations over and over again. Which trust me, shunned me away from even using this power. The third of these powers is called Barrage, sounds fun right? Well…kinda. Once activated this power caused you to become invincible with unlimited ammo. Its like a temporary god mode and coupled with the shotgun causes you to become a weapon of destruction leaving dead bodies and exploded cars in your wake. The fourth and final ability that you can unlock is called "Spin Attack" and no I don't mean the one from Metroid. Basically this little ability can only be used when your "Style" or "Tequila Bomb" meter is completely full. When activated this will trigger a cinematic that will cause doves to fly out of Chow's ass like he was David Fucking Copperfield with a ballerina spin and unload his weapon killing everyone in the room and slightly wounding bosses. Needless to say it gets old after a while but could be a life saver in the right position
So as that's out of the way I can now say we've covered the basics of how the game is played. I must say that Stranglehold is not even par with a good third person shooter. I'll give it bonus points for its "Massive-D" engine, which allows for almost fully destructible environments. However at times you can't tell what can be destroyed and what can't be thus leaving you hiding behind dry wall instead of the concrete you have been trying to hide behind. You find out the difference very quickly though….usually right after 50 enemies have blown your body apart with hot lead. I will say that the game is kind of pretty but it doesn't seem enough to save the game from its advanced….
GAME PLAY. Game play game play game play. Sure the graphics can be good and the sound can rock out but if the game plays like shit it plays like shit. Sometimes I would rather play space invaders because I know that the actual game play is good and the controls work correctly. Sure you can't really fuck up the whole "enemies appear and you kill them" stratagem too much right? Oh…Oh wait…Stranglehold did it. So you're sitting there going "But but but Ashton you said it was a gem! I queued it on my GameFly account!". No you. I said that the first couple levels were a gem. In the first three levels you run through downtown Hong Kong, explode meth labs and meth boats, and shoot the shit up from the environment. After that I think the designers got really fucking lazy and dropped the ball like the retarded kid in your gym class…you know…the one no one wanted to throw the ball at because they felt bad for him? Fuck that. I will throw the damn ball right at their damn forehead. I would throw it so hard they go home with a "made in china" rubber imprint on their forehead.
I haven't played a game that has become so ridiculously frustrating due to level design of boss fights that I've thrown my controller hard enough to red ring my box. I was actually hoping that the game disc would explode or my box would red ring while playing this game because I couldn't put it down. "But doesn't that mean its good because you couldn't put it down?" No. It means I was hoping there would be something at the end of the game that would have made all the 50000 people I killed and mercilessly survived worth it. I however was terribly wrong. However I will say that once the game was done the complete urge to kill myself was pretty much gone.
So lets go over the good concepts that became bad game play elements here.
Good: Tie in to an awesome movie
Bad: The storyline kind of sucked donkey cock.
Good: Awesome interacting with the environment
Bad: Bumping into a table by accident thus sending me sliding over it like I was covered in more Crisco than a gay porn.
Good: Badass explosions and completely destructible environments.
Bad: "Hey I can hide behind th-" gunshots that lead to your death "FUCK"
Good: Bringing back the boss fight element
Bad: Poorly executed boss battle levels (The guy in the round room with the heavy machine gun? Yeh fuck you Midway.)
I really came to inner turmoil trying to score this game because I really just felt like I was playing a next generation Max Payne clone (yes I know Max Payne was based on John Woo gun fights but that game was passable with a good storyline, minus those annoying ass dream levels) But I enjoyed the gun fights and dialog from Max Payne. With that tied into the hardcore Noir driven storyline there wasn't much NOT to enjoy. I think the next time Midway brings out a third person shooter they should take a better look at the one they're trying to copy. I also would really like to say that the next time Mr.Woo puts his name on something that falls in front of my face it better be a bad ass MOVIE. John, stay away from games. It's just not your think. As hard as is for me to say this, because I really REALLY wanted to like this game since the demo….
I have to give John Woo Presents Stranglehold a 70%, which brings it to a C minus at best. In other words unless your choices at Blockbuster are between Barbie's Magical Pony Adventure and John Woo's Stranglehold….and the Barbie disk is scratched beyond repair….don't rent or buy this game. |
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Tuesday, 24 June - 15:42:33 |
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