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DnD Stories
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Author:  thejokie [ Thu Nov 17, 2016 9:56 pm ]
Post subject:  DnD Stories

Since I brought this up in the IRC, I thought I should share some of the random DnD stories I've collected over the years. Hope you guys get a laugh out of 'em.

>dungeon boss fight, some undead shit
>one guy is at 0 HP, staggered
>levitates up in the air
>throws down a flask of alchemists' fire
>strenuous movement
>he falls to -1, unconscious and bleeding
>magic boots deactivate
>he falls in the fire
>takes 8 damage from fall
>is currently at -9, bleeding out, on fire
>fighter at full health charges the boss advancing on helpless friend
>boss triple crits fighter
>mfw the fighter at full health died before the -9, flaming bleeding guy

Author:  thejokie [ Thu Nov 17, 2016 9:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: DnD Stories

>Be lvl 4 Half-Elf Beguiler in 3.5e in solo side campaign.
>Need to get to another continent with some powerful artifact.
>Be an known outlaw. No ship will carry me.
>Pirate captain agrees to take me if I embarrass a local lord for him.
>Says "Steal something from him that will embarrass him publicly."
>Go to lord's house and detect magic.
>Entire perimeter is rigged with Alarm spells.
>Pay bum 2g to try to scale fence to lord's house.
>All guards immediately rush out to bum's location.
>Plan B.
>Go up to two main gate guards and charm person.
>"Hey, don't I know you? What's your dad's name?"
>Guard responds with some name.
>"You look just like him!" Bullshit with guard for a few minutes and convince him to tell his lord he has a visitor.
>Lord comes out with a servant and is pissed at being interrupted.
>I tell him truthfully about the artifact and ask him if he'd like to see/buy it.
>He apprehensively agrees.
>He agrees to let me in if I leave all of my weapons and gear outside.
>I stash them at an inn across the street.
>Come back in just clothes and a little leather case containing artifact.
>Guards pat me down.
>mfw I have a hidden blade, Assassin's Creed style.
>I follow the lord to his chambers.
>His annoying cunt of a servant is lingering around eyeing me all suspicious.
>I pretend to be in awe of all of the lord's fine possessions to start buttering him up.
>Look to servant, "I'm parched. A cup of water perhaps?"
>Lord nods at servant and servant leaves to fetch me water.
>I immediately cast sleep on the lord.
>I bound his mouth.
>I bound his feet.
>I pull out my hidden blade and saw off both of his hands.
>Lord wakes up from the pain.
>I cast sleep on him again.
>I tourniquet his arms hastily so he will at least survive.
>Put tuck his hands into my belt.
>Cast Invisibility on myself.
>Cast Open on nearby window.
>Jump out of window three stories up.
>Activate Featherfall ring I purchased previous session.
>Cast disguise Self to look like the lord.
>Stroll towards front gate.
>Ghost Sounds the lord's voice shouting at them to open it.
>They open it.
>Servant starts shouting from the window. He found the real lord.
>I run out the gate.
>I cast Silent Image on top of myself of the lord's image.
>I cast Invisibility on myself.
>Silent Image runs left.
>Invisible me runs right.
>I get my things from the inn.
>mfw my DM started playing the James Bond theme during my escape and it finishes exactly as I get away.
>Get back to pirate ship.
>Throw lord's hands on the deck.
>"Is this embarrassing enough for you?"

Author:  thejokie [ Sat Nov 19, 2016 8:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: DnD Stories

>Thief given a high Dex in echange of being a total klepto and sex fiend
>Meets a well to do lady in town
>Talks her into going back to her place after a few drinks.
>Rolls to have sex, gets a 20. Gives the lady the best time of her life and she falls asleep.
>”Time to loot, lol.”
>Fails a sneak check to get out of bed.
>Knocks over a table, lady wakes up. Wants more sex.
>Rolled a 1.
>Half hour debate begins as to how bad it's gonna be.
>He touches her ass, came and passes out.
>He wakes up later ouside of town, naked.
>Tables turned, she took all of his stuff instead.
>Wanders back to the tavern we were staying at with a stolen sack to cover up with.
>”Don't ask. For the love of the gods, don't ask.”
>We lol’d the rest of the night.

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